Spinning, spinning.

I'm exhausted today. I feel like I got hit by a bus, but my mind is still going a mile a minute. I just met with my attorney, and Emily, all in the same hour. The hospital lawyer wanted to meet with mine, so I sat anxiously while they met. She told me he said the hospital has contacted DMH and they are going to pursure guardianship, but it wont be by Monday, the don't have any plans or paper in the works yet, so it WILL most likely expire on Monday and I will be able to refuse feedings, BUT if I try to leave they will section me. She also said they would most likely pursue commitment, which would mean transferring me somewhere where I can be commited, most likely Shattuck. I wish I heard more of what she said, but I didn't really because all I could think was soon enough I will get to feel empty again. and that's all I can think about right now. That's how I am getting through the feelings of being huge, getting through the feedings, getting through the suckiness of my body. Soon enough, soon enough. But in the back of my head I am thinking about what will happen. I don't even know if I care anymore. Send me to a state hospital, let me rot. Whatever.

Kelly is coming to visit. she is sneaking me in gum in her boots!! I hope it works, I need some gum really, REALLY bad!! She is also going to pluck my insane unibrow for me,, and I guess is bringing a few books, too, which is nice. I hope they are good ones.