I'm stuck in thought about the guardianship.

I know that when it is over, I canrefuse treatment.

How long will they let me go?

Will I even make it this time, or will I die?

What do I even want?

Will they kick me out? Transfer me to a different hospital? Re get the guardianship? That takrs time. How long will I last this time?

And then, if they redo the guardianship, how much longer will i be stuck here?

I think I can be gone in 2 weeks. That all I need. 2 weeks. I know they wont let me sign out AMA. They will secction me. But they wont be able to force treatment.

Is this what I really want?

How will my actions affect the outcome?

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I can't believe tomorrow she will be 10. I have been so absent...I don't know anything about her. My babygirl. 10.
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I also can't believe I will most likely be spending thanksgiving here in addition to halloween... And who knows where I will be for Christmas.

This is such a sad, lonely disease.

I wish it was over. I just wish it was over.